Parenting Real Talk – the messy middle of motherhood
There’s a moment I come back to more often than I’d like to admit. Not because I’m proud of it — but because it reminds me how deeply, achingly human I am.
It was deep in the trenches of newborn life. My baby was four months old. My toddler was two and a half. My husband had just gone back to work, and I was solo-parenting the circus — two tiny humans, zero alone time, and even less patience.
That day? The baby needed a contact nap like her life depended on it. She was overtired, red-faced, wailing. Nothing helped. Meanwhile, my toddler was just craving connection. She wanted snacks, cuddles, attention — me.
And I broke.
I didn’t say, “Mummy needs a minute.” I snapped.
Loud. Angry. Unfiltered.
And then I did something I never thought I would: I locked my toddler in her (safe, toy-filled, totally okay) room just so I could get fifteen freaking minutes to settle the baby.
Then I stood in the hallway and cried.
I cried because I’d become the kind of mum I swore I’d never be.
I cried because I felt like I was failing both of them.
I cried because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t meet everyone’s needs — not even my own.
That moment wasn’t just about exhaustion. It was about mum guilt after yelling — the kind that floods your chest and tells you that one mistake has undone all the love you’ve poured in.
In that silence, the guilt got louder than the chaos.
Thoughts spiralled fast:
“She’ll remember the yelling.”
“I’ve ruined our connection.”
“I’m not cut out for this two-kid life.”
It felt like I was falling behind in some invisible race where everyone else was calm, patient, and endlessly gentle… and I was the mum hiding in the hallway, falling apart.
I grabbed my phone to call my husband — probably to sob at him through the speaker — but Instagram opened instead. And there it was:
“You can reset your mood and your day at any moment. Just decide.”
Normally I’d scroll past that kind of thing. But on that day? It cracked something open.
Because mum guilt after yelling tells you you’ve ruined everything. But this quote reminded me: you can come back from hard moments. You can repair. You can reset.
I wiped my face. Took a breath. Opened the door.
Got down to her level and said it:
“I’m so sorry.”
She looked at me for a second. Then wrapped her arms around my neck.
That hug broke me all over again — in the best way.
She didn’t need perfection. She just needed me to come back.
It’s not the nap schedule, or the sensory bins, or whether your toddler’s eaten a vegetable this week that defines you.
It’s the repair.
It’s the reconnecting after the yelling.
It’s the love underneath the mess.
Yes, you’re going to lose it sometimes. Yes, you’ll yell, cry, hide, snap.
But mum guilt after yelling doesn’t get the final word.
When that guilt creeps back in — the one that whispers “You’re failing” — I go back to that hallway moment. That hug. That reset.
And I remind myself:
One hard moment doesn’t erase all the good ones.
I can say sorry and still be a good mum.
I can snap and still be their safe place.
If you’ve ever found yourself crying on the hallway floor…
Or hiding in the pantry with a half-eaten chocolate bar…
If you’ve felt like the “bad mum”…
Please hear this:
You are not broken.
You are not failing.
You’re just in the thick of it.
And you’re doing so much better than you think.
Motherhood isn’t about getting it right every time.
It’s about learning how to ride the emotional waves — even when they drown you a little.
It’s about choosing grace, even when guilt is easier to reach for.
It’s about remembering that your child doesn’t need a perfect mum.
They need you.
Messy, imperfect, trying-again you.
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